It's Story Hour

I am spending a large majority of my time these days at a coffee shop near my apartment. The place offers free wi-fi, so it has become my home office for the job search. I get a muffin, get a coffee, and get to flagging down potential employers on the information superhighway.

Obviously, though, my office is not solely my own. It is a place of business, and as such it draws all manner of people from the mild-mannered entrepreneur to the confused looking exchange student in the corner of the room. On Tuesdays and Wednesdays, however, a new subset is added to the coffee-loving amalgam – toddlers.

A stroller nation descends on the coffee shop for an hour on these days for “Story Hour”, and the place transforms. Pleasant adult alternative music is drowned out by high-pitched screams. Conversations move from discussions of the detriments of unilateralism to whether little Corey needs to tinkle or not. Juice boxes abound. Finally, all of the children sit down with their mothers and nannies in the back room on the couches and hardwood floors. A woman in a jester’s hat begins the sing-along.

All this time, I alternately smile at the bouncing, giggling herd and furrow my brow at the prospect of working in this environment. The sing-songing starts, and it can be difficult to concentrate. For instance, I might be writing a cover letter to a hiring manager during a particularly catchy tune, and end up writing a sentence like:

I feel that my experience and expertise are a great fit for this position, and would like to put the slimy frog in my shoe.

This is the mental intrusion of a story about a slimy frog, which is in turn placed in the kitchen sink, your brother’s pants, and your daddy’s shoe. The moral of the story is to not put slimy frogs into things because it upsets people. It’s good advice, but it can be distracting to a job seeker.

I also may find myself answering a call on my cell phone from a prospective employer during Story Hour. I try to get to a quiet corner of the room, but there are no quiet corners—only walls deflecting children’s songs right to my phone.

Interviewer: “Yes, Philip, we received your resume. It says that you worked with….”

Background singing -- There’s a little white duck, swimming in the water…..

Interviewer: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Nothing, nothing at all.”

Interviewer: “Anyway, it appears you have experience….”

Background -- A little white duck, doing what he oughta…

Interviewer: “Did you just call me a white duck?”

Incidentally, the white duck is in the water with a bug and a snake, who I think eats the duck. And there is diversity amongst them -- I believe the bug and snake are not white. It's an equal opportunity body of water. Anyway, I try to speed up the conversation so that the interviewer will not think that I called him a snake.

There’s a reason that they choose these stories: they are catchy. I find myself smiling and bouncing my head to the story of the engineer. He just pulls his little lever, and puff, puff, toot, toot… off we go! And for a second, I’m an engineer on a train enjoying the sound of the whistle’s toot and not a professional with several years experience in managing myriad marketing projects.

The songs continue. When I hear them sing the ABCs, I misspell words. When I hear Itsy-Bitsy Spider, which is basically a story of thwarted persistence and watery graves, I am momentarily troubled that the kids will get the wrong idea. When they sing a song about the sticky toad stuck in the bubble gum, I wonder how toads can be so careless.

But eventually, the story hour is over, and the pre-school platoon leaves crying. I get back to my mission with a renewed vigor. I continue my cover letter, letting one particular company know my potential value to their organization:

I consider a company like a finely-tuned machine; a bus, if you will. I would like to be the wheels on that bus, going round and round with efficiency and innovation. I feel that I could help take your company all through the “town” of success.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.