Cranial Toga

My brain is not built for efficiency, and I've been dealing with that for a long time. While sitting at my desk at work, for example, I might start to write an email to someone. About one sentence into that email--and in the middle of a word--I will immediately be struck by the idea that I need to call someone. I pick up the phone, punch a few numbers, and then put the phone down again, remembering that the person is out of town. I get back to my email --what was I writing again?--and stop dead when I realize that I have to pick up my dry cleaning. I can't pick up my dry cleaning at that moment, mind you, so the thought is misplaced--but it stops my mental momentum nonetheless. My mind, in some ways, is like a kid in a candy store -- wanting every piece all at once, and often getting none.

The book I read recently -- the one I referred to in the previous post 'In the Eyes of Another' -- attempted to break down the processes and chemicals in the brain, in order that the reader might better understand them. In reading that book, I learned about brain waves. Three, in particular: Alpha, Beta and Theta (Delta is basically just deep sleep). Once I was able to wipe the giggling-sorority-pillow-fight daydream that attended those three Greek letters from my head, I got to wondering if mastery of these waves might be a worthy use of my time. I decided it was worth a try.

Alpha waves represent relaxation/reflecting. Beta ones represent full engagement and alertness. Theta is a daydream state; I may have been in this state while I was tickling the girls in the aforementioned sorority house. In assessing this phrenic trinity, it was clear almost immediately that each has its own purpose, and if I did things right, I could control my mental amplitude and frequency to suit my needs.

This is easier said than done.

Beta would be my ideal work mode. So, I would be at my desk, and I would try to speed up the frequency of my brain waves, but lower their amplitude. In the midst of it, I would realize that I have no idea how to do this. I would just stare straight ahead, and think of bullet trains and other fast things. But I knew this was not really the answer. And then Theta came along.

Theta was clearly the bully in my brain. He runs the show. As I was trying to bring myself to a Beta state, Theta would come crashing in, the drunk frat guy trampling my concentration.

theta-theta-bo-BETA-banana-fanna-fo-meta-me-my-mo-meta------THETA! this is the gibberish that runs through my head. And before long, I'm staring blankly at my tape dispenser and wondering what makes tape stick.

I didn't want to give up that easy, so I attempted to center myself in Alpha. I would take a deep breath, and try to clear my mind. Theta would break down the door of my rumination, and belch. Suddenly came the tune from ‘Rock Me Amadeus’:

I’m a theta, I’m a theta, I’m a theta, I’m a theta…….—Rock me I’m a Theta!!

I was trying to master all three, and Theta was making it impossible to manage any of them. Theta was the one that made me think of dry cleaning when I should be writing emails. Theta was the one hijacking my attentions. To use an Animal House analogy, Theta was the Bluto of my brain.

So, I let it all go. I let Alpha, Beta and Theta go and party together in my brain; do their own thing--an 'If you can't beat 'em, join 'em' capitulation. Hopefully, they will someday find a way to work together and find the middle ground that works for all of them. Until then, I'll have to hear their distant, resonant chants of 'Toga! Toga! Toga!' while I try to figure out what makes tape stick.