Further Lessons in Urban Kindness

At the coffee shop this morning, I was waited on by one of the friendliest cashiers I have ever seen. His greeting took me by surprise-- he was gushing with the promise of a new day. "Good morning, sir!" he beamed. "How are you today?!" His saccharine tone and buoyant temperament made me uneasy at such an early hour. How was I supposed to know how I was today? It was barely even 'today' yet. "And what can I get for you today?" Well, I thought, I'll have a coffee, a muffin, and if you could take a valium and stop saying the word 'today', that would be super. It was just so early for such.... gusto.

The truth is, though, that I very much appreciate friendliness, and it's not overabundant in this city. New York is not a mean city, it's just one that doesn't have time for pleasantries--and I guess that's one thing I miss. As an aspiring optimist, though, I try to crack its steely and gruff exterior on occasion, one person at a time.

Holding a door for someone is a friendly thing to do, and I actually enjoy doing it. It's the easiest, most acceptable way to be nice to a complete stranger. At the very least, you usually get a reaction from the person: a faint smile, a rushed 'thank you', a passing glance. One thing you should not do, though, is hold a revolving door for someone. It's actually counterproductive, and can cause a bloody nose. Lesson learned.

The post-sneeze 'bless you' is another common nicety, which I have alluded to in a previous post. I don't use this one all the time, because to be honest sometimes I am just not in the mood. In a town as suspicious as New York, people don't seem to take to strangers saying 'bless you'. I don't know if it's inherent mistrust, silently avowed atheism or something else entirely, but people seem to think you want something from them. And, as is the case with anyone who wants something from you in the city, the common reaction is simply to ignore.

So, I have modified my 'bless you' for New York. I now say it with a manufactured chip on my shoulder. I say 'bless you' like it is a big inconvenience for me; like I am saddled with this pain-in-the-ass burden of blessing every clown who deems it biologically necessary to expel an allergen. Strangely enough, this seems to work; people are more likely to accept the 'bless you'. I even get a 'thank you' sometimes. It's the sort of thank you someone might give to a Neo-Nazi that just gave them the last slice of pizza, but it's a thank you nonetheless.

So, as it so often does, the City has lessons and reminders for me: 1. Kindness, even if it is unrequited, is never wasted. 2. Sometimes you have to adapt. 3. Sometimes you have to let people handle their own doors. 4. If you are extremely happy before 7:30am, it's okay to keep that to yourself.