(Adam's) Big Apple: Male Seeking Room and Justice

I am clean. I am responsible. I am considerate. I am easy-going. I am not female.

And the last of these disqualifies me from many Room/Share situations on Craig's List, where I am currently looking for a permanent place to live here in New York.

It can be frustrating. I see a listing for a roommate in a neighborhood I like, it's in my price range, the room is only 8 x 10, but then again I'm only 6 x 2 so why not? I read on to find out that the person is looking for someone who is relatively neat (check!), professional (indeed! in a manner of speaking), a non-smoker (only when I drink... ha! Just kidding! Not at all. See? See how amiable I am?), only to say that it is also required that I am a female. Which is not something I am, and all wardrobe choices aside, would be hard to fudge.

So, I ask now: who will speak for the vaginally-challenged apartment seeker?? I will. I will not stand idly by while the stereotype of the irresponsible, shady and odiferous male is shamelessly propagated. We all have our little peccadilloes and idiosyncrasies, regardless of our sex. For my part, I sometimes get out of the shower without a towel or bathroom carpet on the floor, leaving puddles. And as a prodigious snacker, I sometimes leave popcorn or potato chip remnants strewn on the floor in common areas. But we are all human, subject to regrettable flaws. If I cut myself while shaving with your razor, do I not bleed?

Sure, there are the males out there who would not make a good roommate: who would use your blender without asking or use your cat as piñata target practice. But if we give in to these broad generalizations, well... then the gender terrorists have won.

To all that would discriminate against me: I will not go gently into that dank, dark, dimly lit, "cozy" back room in an “up-and-coming” tenement community. I will not yield my masculinity for square feet and wireless internet. I will wear my Y chromosome like a badge; a resplendent badge of defiance in the face of injustice—an injustice to my considerate, clean, responsible and easy-going manhood.